Metal Gear Lucian:Revengance
by Lenchkumaximus
Summary: Lucian is killed by Wayne in a accident and is brought back to life by a Wacky Scientist to become an indestructible cyborg! Do not take this seriously. It's just a parody. Rated T for violence


Metal Gear Lucian: Revengance

Disclaimer: I do not own the Cramp Twins. Do not take this seriously!

Lucian's Log:

_My name is Lucian Cramp and until recently I was an average teenage boy who enjoyed nature and protecting the environment but all that changed after my brother killed me during one of his "Sessions" at the junk yard. But know I'm back and rebuilt and ready to have my revenge on him and everyone else who gave me shit in my life. _

_Let's fuck someone up!_

Three Months Before

Lucian Cramp was walking home from school, his teacher Miss Hissy had given him a very long report to complete and he was looking forward to sitting down and getting on with some serious studying.

He was too busy watching the butterfly's flying around his head to notice his twin brother Wayne Cramp sneaking up behind him.

"Hey Girlpants" he shouted before rugby tackling him to the ground, Lucian fell face first into a muddy puddle, Wayne burst out laughing as Lucian picked himself up and walked away trying not to cry "What is wrong with you Wayne, you've got dirt all over my favourite sweater" he moaned.

Wayne laughed and followed him; they walked past the junk yard. Wayne grabbed Lucian and dragged him into the junk yard. "Wayne what do you think you're doing?" quizzed Lucian as Wayne dragged him to the centre of the yard.

"This will only take a second Girlpants. Just stay right there" Wayne said before he went behind a massive pile of junk. Lucian wasn't sure what Wayne had planned but it probably would involve some dangerous stunt that Wayne was doing and he would be some obstacle.

Wayne appeared at the top of the junk pile on his tricycle. Lucian realised what he was about to do "Wait Wayne that's incredibly dangerous! Do you have any idea how badly you could hurt yourself!" he shouted in alarm.

"Tough fucking shit!" said Wayne before he tore down the junk pile, pieces of junk flew everywhere as the tricycle pummelled down towards Lucian.

Lucian could only scream as Wayne jumped off the tricycle and sent it flying towards him. The tricycle decapitated him from the top jaw up; it took his spine with it, leaving behind his body with his body jaw twitching as blood sprouted from his neck.

Wayne stood up and looked horrified "Mummy!" he shouted as he ran as fast he could out of the junk yard.

Lucian Log 2

_That was the day the accident happened, the doctors pronounced me dead at the scene. However nobody cared, my parents were unfazed they didn't give two fucks that I was dead. In fact nobody did, none of my friend came to my funeral. Tony laughed his ass of and took a piss on my grave. Wendy Winkle took a dump on it as did Wayne and all of Tony's family. _

_Sick fucks!_

_Anyway this is when I met him and I was reborn._

"Cybernetic Enhancements on subject Lucian Cramp are at 100% complete" said the computer. Insane laughter filled the halls of the underground laboratory. Lucian Cramp awoke in a confused and distraught daze.

He screamed and shouted as the last few moments of his life flew before him, Wayne, the junk yard, the tricycle. He looked around, where was he?

He was greeted by a man with weird glasses and a green afro wearing a lab coat "Hoho welcome back Lucian me boy, Imma glad tae see yar in good shape after yer little accident" he said in a weird hybrid of a Glaswegian and Yorkshire accent.

Lucian looked confused and looked over his body; instead of flesh there was synthetic metal like skin that covered him from his feet until his top jaw. He had wrist blades and his fingers ended in claws and his feet were built like high heels. What was left of his human face covered his robotic head complete with red eyes and white hair.

"What has happened to me" said Lucian; his voice had become gruff and fierce sounding. "I rebuilt ya with cybernetic enhancements, your body is now an indestructible killing machine and with your wrist blade's you can cut through anything" said the Wacky Scientist laughing like a madman.

"Why would you do this? What do you gain from this?" said Lucian confused, the Wacky Scientist sat down and pulled out a flask and took a chug from it. "Simple cause I'm fucking mental!" he exclaimed.

Lucian could agree with that and sat down in front of him, "So what I'm I supposed to do now?" he asked, he didn't know what to do with himself.

The Wacky Scientist leaned forward grinning like the Cheshire cat "Simple, you go back to yoor town and you fuck shit up!" he said excitedly.

"But why?" asked Lucian confused; The Wacky Scientist pulled out a tablet like device and set it on the table. It brought up videos of his parent's cleaning out his old room "Thank god that troubling child is gone. All that talk of playing around with animals it made me sick!" exclaimed his mother as she threw his stuffed animals.

His father agreed "To bad he wasn't more like Wayne, like he thought he could make a difference, like he thought he could save that disgusting swamp and his friend Tony and his inbred family, what a fag" said his Dad, Wayne poked his head into the room and laughed aloud "Yeah your right dad. He was such a faggot!" the family then started laughing and threw his thing into a fire.

Lucian's face swelled with anger "Those sons of bitches" he growled, the Wacky Scientist brought up another video of his friend Marie "Thanks god that Lucian's dead, he actually thought he had a chance with me? Pfft Couldn't he figure out that I'm a total raging dyke" his friend Tony appeared on screen next "God riddance Lucian Cramps, now you won't look down at me anymore and stealing my dad and shit"

This only fuelled Lucians rage; he stood up and sliced the tablet in half with his wrist blades. He turned to the Wacky Scientist "I know what I'm gonna do Wacky Scientist, I'm gonna go to my hometown and kill my family and friends. This is the last time they make fun of me behind my back"

The Wacky Scientist jumped with glee "But don't stop there me boy, kill all of them, kill all them sons of bitches, destroy the town! Level it to the ground! Think about it if there's no-one left then there's no more pollution which works with yar environmental shit!"

Lucian nodded and prepared to leave, the Wacky Scientist gave him a communication device and a packet of digestive biscuits "Make me proud Lucian me boy" he said as Lucian left the lab and began his revengance.

Lucians Log 3

_My town is filled with corrupt and undignified sheep who follow the ways of polluting out planet with their factories and their machines. I will put a stop to this. Why? Because I fuckin can! That's why! But first I gotta take care of my shitty family _

Mr Cramp was out in the tool shed when he heard an explosion shake the town "What in the Cowboy Bebop is going on!" he shouted as something erupted from the ground. "Cool!" he could hear Wayne shout from his window.

Whatever it was that erupted from the ground flew upwards before flying towards their house, Mr Cramp cried like a little girl as it came crashing down before him. To his shock he saw that it wasn't an alien but a robot with the head of…

"Lucian" he cried out in surprise, he took several steps back. "Girlpants?!" shouted Wayne from the window. "Lucian is that really you" said Mr Cramp approaching his thought dead child, Lucian responded by charging forward and ramming his blade through his father's chest.

"Yeah dad! It's me! Your boy! Your chip of the old block" shouted Lucian as he severed all of his dad's limbs. Mr Cramp screamed out in agony causing Lucian to laugh like a psycho "Are you proud of me now daddy? Are you!" he screamed as he severed his genitals, Mr Cramp screamed out in pain and squealed like a pig "Atta boy Lucian, Atta boy you're not a fag anymore" was all Mr Cramp could mutter before Lucian stabbed through his eyes and severed his head.

"Holy Shit!" shouted Wayne from the window, Lucian looked up at him and grinned "After I kill mum your next bro!" he shouted before launching a missile at the house and blowing a hole in the wall, he could hear his mums scream of surprise.

Lucian walked into the house "Lucian Cramp! How dare you walk into this house and great a mess all over the floor" she screamed, the blast had burnt most of her face off and yet all she cared about was the dirt all over the place.

Lucian sighed in annoyance and grabbed her by the throat, he ripped her tongue out. "Finally I was sick of your fucking screechy voice always nagging down my ear, I'm going to enjoy ripping your fucking innards out and shoving them up your fucking ass you stupid bitch!" he said as he sliced open his mother's belly and pulled out her innards.

She screamed out in agony as he did exactly what he said he would do, "Rot in hell you filthy whore" said Lucian before turning his attention to Wayne. He launched another missile inside the house, levelling it to the ground.

"My junk!" screamed out Wayne as the house collapsed around him, Lucian grabbed him by the throat and threw him into the swamp. Wayne cried out in fright as he was surrounded by frogs of all shapes and sizes. Lucian grinned cruelly as Wayne started crying.

"That's right you don't like frogs do you Wayne?" he said mockingly as the frogs started climbing and hopping on top of him, he started panicking "Girlpants please help me!" squealed Wayne.

Lucian could only laugh, he then sliced Wayne vertically, the frogs began to enter him and eat him from the inside out, "Girlpants help" Wayne slurred as he was slowly consumed by the thing he feared so much.

Lucian felt satisfied.

But he did stop there; he made his way over to the Winkle's house. He set the ponies free and then fired one of his wrist mounted missiles at the house. He relished in the flames of their agony as they were burnt to death. His rage knew no boundaries; he sliced and diced everyone in his path, sometimes even multiple people at once. His rage felt like the world was coming to an end, rivers and seas boiling, 30 years of darkness, the dead rising from the grave, fire and brimstone raining down from the sky, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria.

He approached Marie and her nutcase family's house, he ripped the door off and threw it into the house, and it cut through the mother and father decapitating them instantly. There short deaths were nothing compared to the brother and sister. He was ripped to shreds by Lucian's claws.

He got a call from the Wacky Scientist "Hiya Lucian just calling to let ye know that I installed a feature called Blade Mode which lets ye slow doon time and cut people with expert precision.

Lucian found this new ability enthralling, he quickly tested this new mode out on Marie's older sister cutting her to ribbons until she was nothing more than meaty chunks. Then he made his way to Marie's room "Well, well, well what do we have here" he said as he entered her room, she had obviously just finished in some kind of sexual experience online, but that wasn't what Lucian noticed first, what he noticed was the millions of stab wound in Marie's chest.

"Some son of a bitch got to her before me, they will pay for taking my kill!" he proclaimed before leaping out and heading into town. He found that carnage had arrived the town, many were dead and with the same stab wounds as Marie, then he saw a group of people huddled in fear.

In front of them was something tall with long metal legs, its body was tiny. Lucian frowned with anger as he recognised the stealer of his kill "Tony! You son of a bitch!" he said, Tony turned round "Hehehehe! Lucian Cramp! Looking a little green around the gears are we! It is I Tony except now you can call me the Tominator and with this power that the Wacky Scientist gave me you will be the short one now! Hahahahahaha!"

Lucian roared with anger, not only had his family and friends betrayed him but the Wacky Scientist too? "When I'm done with you I will pay him a visit and crush his head with my bare hands!"

Tony got into a battle stance "Fucking bring it son!" and Lucian charged towards him, he slashed at Tony's legs but Tony blocked and then launched an "A Thousand Stabs" attack were he stabbed at Lucian with his legs at an absurd speed, Lucian dodged many but received several non-fatal stab wounds Tony kicked him hard in the face sending him flying.

Tony laughed evilly as Lucian picked himself up, he leapt forward and tried to use a flying attack but Tony blocked it "Haha! You see my power come from my incredible speed! You can't touch me Lucian give up now!" he taunted before hitting Lucian again. Lucian collapsed to the ground, stunned. One of Tony's legs impaled him through the right shoulder, instead of crying out in pain Lucian grinned "Bad move!" he growled.

Before Tony could react Lucian grabbed hold of his leg and shouted "Brainshock!" electrical current shot up Tony's leg, it disabled control of his leg and Lucian used Blade mode to slice clean though it. Standing on one leg Tony tried to make a run for it but Lucian grabbed him by the leg "Wait Lucian don't! Please? We're friends to the end remember?" He pleaded desperately.

"This is the end friend" replied Lucian before launching Tony into the sun with one of his missiles "I LOVE CORNBREAD!" screamed Tony as he was disintegrated by the sun immense heat. With his enemy defeated Lucian felt satisfied and turned to the spectators "Be thankful worthless humans! You shall be spared for this day but fear not. Your deaths will be swift and painless when they arrive and they will. That I can assure and I will not rest until every single one of you motherfucking humans lies dead at my feet"

He then turned away "And as for you Wacky Scientist, there's a special circle of hell waiting for you"


End file.
